So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
