capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
