"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
