Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
