she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
