Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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