If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
