I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Mom said you looked used
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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