Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The struggles of a small town man whore
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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