I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
