so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
