Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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