yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
