So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This is the prime rib incident all over again
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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