I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
