My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
