i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
