the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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