Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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