So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
