Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
