one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
