I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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