am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
