Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
