Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
