i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So squirting runs in the family.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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