i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
