So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
