he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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