Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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