Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
