I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
