you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
