Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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