My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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