you guys were way drunker than both of me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
