Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
