his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
