Don't you send me to vm
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
