There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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