I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
