Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
