he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
