It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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