drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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