Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
