Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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