Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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