Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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