If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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