I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
either way he was missing a nipple.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Randomize
